Putting a Squeeze on a Family Ritual: Starting Bad Habits Early

Sure, it was messy but it was so good!

How sweet! Cute little pouches of pureed food—not for infants but for toddlers to slurp up. Designed for eating on the run, they also help to appease the difficult feeder. You know, when you fear your picky eater might starve by not eating her peas. 

And, they’re convenient for the challenged parent, juggling work and the demands of raising kids. Perfect for soothing the fussy little one while watching TV or simply while riding in the car. Allows for hands-free feeding so you can easily be typing on your ipad or dealing with work issues by phone while productively feeding your little one, too!

Professor Brian Wansink, the fabulous researcher known for his work on environment and eating behaviors may be ambivalent about these, but my opinions are solid. I would never feed these newly popular foods in a pouch (described in the NY Times article Putting a Squeeze on a Family Ritual) to my kids. Never mind that my sons are in their twenties (years, not months, that is). Still, if I did have toddlers, these would be the last things I'd purchase to feed my children.

Now before you leave this page thinking this is irrelevant to you—that you, too, have no young kids to feed, nor care to learn about approaches to feeding toddlers—let me make a point: this has everything to do with you and with managing your weight. You’ll likely learn as much about feeding yourself and self-regulating your own intake as you might your kids.

So what’s my problem, you’re thinking? Let me highlight a few of my concerns.

Distracted eating

Yes, that's a grapefruit he's eating. With a spoon. Not pureed.

Mindful eating enables us to fully appreciate our food with all our senses. And it slows us down. In doing so, we can better appreciate when we’ve had enough, helping to prevent overeating. Distracted eating—eating while on the phone, while watching TV, or even while jumping on the trampoline (an example pulled from this NY Times article) is anything but mindful.  Eating while distracted may lead to overeating. (Although, for those anorexic patients I see, it may enable eating food that wasn’t intended—and that could be a good thing). It is challenging enough to change behaviors in adulthood that perhaps only started recently. I could only imagine what it would be like to shift these behaviors in adults raised mindlessly sucking down pureed food goo.

Regulation of juices, sodas and mush? Not so easy.

It’s well established that we don’t do a very good job regulating our intake of caloric beverages such as juices and sodas. It’s challenging for our body to recognize when it has had enough calories from such beverages, so we certainly need to be aware of our portions. Again, for some needingto increase their intake, this form of nourishment is quite helpful. Less has been explored about the impact on feeding a less-than-solid but greater than liquid calorie diet, such as the slush-from-a-pouch.

Mealtime a thing of the past? Are we really too busy to parent? To nourish our kids with attention, with positive interaction, and with calories and other nutrients?

Even when camping, there's time for meals.

Maybe I’m an idealist, but I cherished the family dinner with my young family. It was a time to connect, to hear about their day, to be present. Sure, when the little ones would toss their food off their tray it would come to an abrupt end. But it was good while it lasted. And it established a tradition that lasted throughout the years (the family eating, not the throwing of food!) It was a time we were all theirs—we were not blogging, texting or talking on the phone. We were simply present—if only just for the mealtime.

If we don’t have time for what may be our most important job—parenting—it’s really a sad state we’re in. An acquaintance recently stated that he had no time to deal with exploring college options for his daughter with special needs—he had some very important business deals that needed his full-time attention! Seems like parents choosing feeding pouches may feel similarly.

Gone is the motivation for change.

Feeding our kids is often what motivates parents to shape up their own diet and eating behaviors. They want their children’s experiences to be positive—to feel good about their body, to be healthy and fit. They care about their little ones’ intake, but had previously not given much thought to their own eating. Having kids can change that, unless of course, family meals are eliminated. Gone is the need for role modeling and healthier eating for parents.

What’s normal and appropriate anyway?

Perhaps because we view smoothies and meal replacement shakes as eating, pouches fit the bill for our little ones. But what about the experience of eating? It’s enough that movies go with popcorn, and we need hot dogs at baseball games. Must we solidify the link from the youngest age, between eating and other activities? Must riding in a car be accompanied by fueling your body? Will they not expect to be eating, mindlessly, once they start to drive? I mean, isn’t that what they’ll have learned to associate with doing whenever they’re in the car?

Neil Grimmer, chief executive of Plum Organics, sees it as empowering children. “It’s on-the-go snacking, on-the-go nourishment,” he said. “It moves with kids and puts the control in their hands.” Seems to me that these days kids have more control in their hands than they need or want—perhaps limit setting would be a more appropriate parenting approach.

He further endorses feeding in response to hunger, and I’m all for that! In my mind, that necessitates parents connecting with their children and being aware of their cues. You know, taking note of when they start pushing their food away, when they have had enough. Or providing them with an additional few bites of cheese when they have finished what you served—just to see how much they truly need.  When they’re done, they will make it clear! This is quite different than serving a predetermined 100-calorie portioned food pouch. But the convenience of these foods and their inappropriate use in so many situations far from tunes in to a child’s hunger. See how this might be relevant for you, too?

Grimmer also states “Regular mealtimes just add one more item to the schedule”. Bummer. Now you have to deal with those kids you decided to have! Hain Celestial Group, the company that makes Earth’s Best baby food, sees it as the solution for the child who wants to be independent and self-feed. How about teaching them to use a fork or starting them on finger foods? Toddlers are developmentally ready for more than slush from a pouch!

This old momma thinks it’s time to shift our thoughts about feeding—our kids, and ourselves.

Smart. Easy-to-handle. Attractive.

And practical minded too. Will do it all but cook for you.

I'm talking about my new book, “Food to Eat, guided, hopeful, and trusted recipes for eating disorder recovery”.

Lori Lieberman, RD, CDE, MPH, LDN, and Cate Sangster may seem like unlikely coauthors. Lori, a 26-year veteran of eating disorder counseling and a blog author in the Boston, Massachusetts area and Cate, a soon-to-be-published coauthor (with eating disorder author June Alexander), and recovering adult anorexic in Melbourne, Australia created a novel recovery tool. Part cookbook, part CBT-styled guidance and support, this book gently and thoughtfully assists readers, allaying their fears and misconceptions they may be ruminating over when contemplating eating.

It addresses head on the barriers to change, including perception and fear of nutrient content, GI issues and the consequences of change. Nutrition myths are broken down and justification and support for renourishing is provided.  It builds on a transference of trust like that which propelled Cate forward in her own recovery—from connecting with Lori's writing and learning, for the first time, that recovery is possible, to moving to increasing her own range of foods consumed beginning with this project collaboration.

No, it's not out yet, but it's coming soon, and Cate and I are so excited to share it with you. “Food To Eat” will be available as an ebook and in print—details to follow.

We've gotten enthusiastic thumbs up from eating disorder professionals, and valuable input from those struggling with eating disorders and disordered eating to help us perfect it.

We'll keep you posted when it's ready for release!

Cupcakes. The First Step To Setting Yourself Free.

There’s one more piece of birthday cake left, still frozen, awaiting my next move. I enjoyed each and every slice I had last week—the moist chocolate cake and icing—microwave-defrosted to just the right temperature. 

And the festive cupcakes I bought toward the end of the week? I think they ranked even higher. Cupcakes, you ask? More dessert? Yes, they were necessary. I hadto buy some. I needed to photograph them, to possibly use on my soon-to-be-updated website. And, because I love these celebratory buttercream-frosted delights!

But I must be honest. I felt compelled to indulge in more baked goods this past week, as I knew what my fate would be by week’s end. 

No, I wasn’t going to be dieting anytime soon. But the annual Passover holiday arrives Friday, the holiday where Jews recall their slavery in Egypt and are commanded to deny themselves a whole list of foods. That means a week without bread, flour, rice, corn, peas, legumes, pasta, cookies, and most baked goods, which are leavened.  That means no meals out, and no pizza, no Thai food or Chinese or Indian cuisine—true suffering, in my opinion.

So I find myself anticipating my deprivation. I strategize to include favorite baked items, and to work in a pizza. I pick up a crusty loaf of bread, to enjoy these remaining days of freedom.

Yet I know this holiday lasts only 8 days. I know that I’ll have the freedom to enjoy these foods that give me pleasure, which I truly love. 

And so the birthday cake lasted throughout this past week. And I shared the cupcakes with friends last night, rather than hoard them for myself.

But what if you didn’t trust that you can eat these foods anytime? What if you didn’t give yourself permission to enjoy what you really like to eat, the foods that satisfy you on so many levels? Do you think the cake would last the week? Would you have been able to eat a part of a cupcake, sharing portions with friends?

From my experience, the answer is no. If you don’t feel entitled to eat sweets, for instance (or bread, or grains or fill-in-the-blank) you’ll overeat them whenever you do get your hands on them and have a weak moment. You’ll eat them and feel bad about it—and then eat some more, perhaps believing you’ve already ruined in, so you may as well keep eating.  You’ll eat more than you really need, because you don’t believe you’ll get another chance. And when you eat this way, you hardly enjoy the food. You barely taste it. It’s so not worth it.

Regardless of your religion, there’s no need to stay enslaved. 

You deserve to eat. And you deserve to enjoy what you eat. 

You deserve to eat enough, to be truly satisfied. 

Grant yourself the freedom to choose foods you’ve denied yourself. 

Grant yourself the right to eat them in plain view, not in the closet or the car. 

Break the diet chains that bind you, and free your thoughts from the rigidity that enslaves you.

Only you can set yourself free. And if you celebrate this Passover holiday, remember--it's only 8 days!

This Holiday Of Miracles—Ancient Wisdom About Managing Your Eating

Taking back control. Rededication. Surviving persecution and abuse.  Triumph after being restricted, forbidden from following your own path. Your prized possession, quality olive oil, gets you through, for much longer than you ever believed it could.

These phrases describe the festival of Hanukkah, yet I can’t help but repackage them as a recipe for moving forward with our eating—both, during this holiday season and beyond, for Jews and non-Jews alike.

First, here’s my very brief summary of the holiday (for a more complete story, check out Chabad and Wikipedia). 

Hanukkah celebrates the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem a long, long, time ago, more than 21 centuries ago. Following a rebellion against Hellenization, after being persecuted, denied following their own religion, a group of rebels fought back and regained control. They cleansed their temple, and wanted to light their 7-branched menorah, the candelabra, but there was only enough of the purified olive oil required for this ritual lighting to last one day. And yet, voila, it lasted all 8 days. This was great cause for celebration, and what better way than include a lot of fried food?

Some summarize our history more like this: They tried to kill us. They couldn’t. Let’s eat.

Thus, the tradition is to celebrate this triumph over oppression and the miracle of oil. And not just any foods, mind you. The Hanukkah mandate is eating oil rich foods, traditionally white carb types—it’s enough to cause panic among the health conscious and weight-focused.  We eat fried latkes (aka potato pancakes), with sufganiyot for dessert (aka doughnuts). And did I mention this lasts for not one night but for 8?

Regardless of your particular culture or religion, we are all confronted by food challenges this season. And while I have addressed this subject in various posts previously, http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2011/11/taking-charge-practical-strategies-for.html, http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2010/12/recovering-from-slip-coping-with.html, I thought I’d give a bit more support to get you through this challenging (yet potentially joyous) season.


Balance

From my own experience, I’ll tell you that eating latkes or similarly fried foods, as the main entrée, isn’t going to work for me. I have no problem with including oil in my diet (see http://bit.ly/dOZNqH  and http://bit.ly/uqnq92), but I need to have some balance. All too often, health-promoting types (nutritionists included) get stuck focusing on individual foods or nutrients, neglecting one important fact—we don’t eat single nutrients or food items. 


And we don’t need to get all nutrients from a single food! No, we eat foods together, providing us the opportunity to balance our meals, and our day’s intake, to stay healthy.

Take control of portions

Yes, Hanukkah at my house will include latkes, on more than one night. There will be the traditional potato and onion ones, and my more recent favorite—a parsnip-potato pancake. Perhaps I’ll even try a cardamom leek fritter recipe I stumbled upon recently. But served as the whole meal? I don’t think so. So what will I do? I’ll serve them with a soup and a salad, some lighter fare. On one night, I’ll also serve my homemade sufganiyot, these two-bite delights that really satisfy; at least the portions are small. The bottle of oil, in my home, lasts way more than eight nights, I’ll add. While the sufganiyot are deep fried, I’m light handed pouring oil for my latkes preparation.


Choose what you enjoy. Enjoy what you choose.

Wondering how you’ll manage the Christmas bird or roast with all the fixings, with a yule log for dessert, too? You, too, can add some balance, picking and choosing the richer and the less dense items. But do include foods you enjoy! Otherwise, you may find yourself indulging when you aren’t hungry later, making up for your feeling of deprivation.

And please don’t forget to leave leftovers! Better to enjoy the extra food when you aren’t stuffed; won’t the cake and pie taste better when you’re hungrier? Perhaps for breakfast the next morning? Yes, it’s allowed!

If you are doing the preparing, shopping and cooking for the holiday feast, remember that you have the right and the ability to dictate the meal content. Substitute some applesauce instead of the full amount of butter in the cake. Offer a range of your favorite vegetables to accompany the meal. Strain the fat off before mixing the gravy. Determine the ratio of desserts to guests—must it be one pie for every two people?

Be prepared.

Feeling overwhelmed? Preplan as much as you can. Make a shopping list; then send someone else to retrieve the foods. Bake in advance, and then freeze cookies and cakes. Sure, you may end up eating them right from the freezer, but wouldn’t they taste better eaten mindfully at room temperature?

Plan for the holiday eating schedule—be sure to eat breakfast in the morning, rather than letting one meal slide into the next. And don’t even think of restricting early in the day to compensate for potential overeating later. That, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.


Consider your limits.

And do watch your alcohol intake if you are trying to stay in control of your eating. Sure, it might decrease your stress, but it will also decrease your inhibitions around food (and, perhaps around those difficult relatives). That may be fine, if you are comfortable with the outcome. But it seems to me that rarely is the case.

I hope this helps limit the holiday stress.

Do enjoy the holidays, including your favorite foods!

Happy Holidays!

Out of Into the Mouths of Babes. Weight management without the rules. 

Ok, so my baby is 20 (years, not months) but as a parent I can still appreciate it when kids say the darndest things, especially when it relates to food regulation.

This past weekend we visited our son at school and indulged him with a lovely Japanese meal out. To be fair, he would have felt more indulged by a home cooked meal, but logistically that just wasn't happening, so dining out it was. Together with my husband, we ordered an assortment of appetizers including delectable sushi. And then it came to ordering our entrees. Now in the past, even the somewhat recent past, I vividly recall the eye rolling and comments when I would place my order. I would feel my sons cringe as I'd politely inquire about the food preparation, frequently requesting a meal "light on the oil", with less ghee at an Indian restaurant or easy on a rich and creamy sauce.

It's what makes me comfortable--I prefer the taste, and it allows me to dine out and feel physically comfortable afterwards. I'd prefer to have it my way than to simply avoid delicious tasting entrees and fine cuisine. So I bit my tongue and stifled my chuckles when my son ordered his noodle-based dish, requesting of the waiter "can you make that light on the oil?"

And there was no prompting from me, I might add; my terriaki salmon order with white rice and vegetables was rather straight forward, necessitating no modifications for my satisfaction. 

The way my son described it, he was so tired of the richness of the frequent meals out that he wanted to eat something that felt better.

Later, he described his recent experience dining at the local burger joint in his college town. He ordered a burger and fries meal at lunch. Sooo, you're thinking? Well, my 6'1" slim and fit son ordered the kids' meal as opposed to the regular portion, and, he added, it was more than adequate. He knew that with restaurant portions tending to be quite excessive, that a kids' size would better meet his needs. Okay, perhaps the fact that he had only $20 left in his campus bank account may also have been an influence. Nonetheless, I was struck by this awareness and ability to self regulate even in restaurants, even after leaving the world of his nutritionist mom behind. And from what I've observed of restaurant portions, his selection was quite wise.

Yes, this is a child raised with chocolates, cookies, ice cream and home baked goods. He was never limited by others regarding how much he ate or what choices he was allowed. The only deprivation he might have experienced is a lack of fast food, as that has never been part of our family repertoire.

Remember those bagels described in a previous post? (http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-carbs-got-bad-rep-and-what-you-can.html)  With no knowledge of their 7.5 oz weight (he rarely reads these posts and this knowledge would not have been a deterrent) nor of their calorie content, my other son found them impossible to comfortably consume, at least topped with cream cheese.  And last summer, I remember him (also 6'1" healthy and fit, I might add) ordering a kiddie size ice cream at our local, full fat dairy ice cream stand. Yes, he knew that the small serving (measuring approximately 2 full cups) was beyond his need.

No, not my son, but a happy cupcake maker
in NYC, who enjoys his cupcakes!

Let me clarify that these are healthy young men without disorders. They eat all kinds of foods and enjoy great desserts. One stays active through the year with recreational sports, one only seasonally when he trains for a bike event, and both use their legs for local transportation around their campuses.

Neither sets rules about calorie limits, nor restricts his intake to 

certain hours of the day. There is nothing unique about them, other than that they were raised perhaps without nutrition rules. 


In fact, in some ways, at some points, I felt I had failed to educate them, to teach them nutrition basics; we talked little of nutrition and dietary requirements, and I often felt that their classmates were more well-versed in diet basics. Until I realized that in fact I had taught them--by example, through what was served, through watching me enjoy my chocolate snack or my rugelach(http://bit.ly/iOoR2L), and by modeling balance both in and out of the home. And, by providing an atmosphere devoid of negative messages about my body and of theirs. 

"That's just fine," you may be thinking, "but I wasn't so fortunate to be raised in such a household! Now what am I supposed to do?"

 Well, let me confess-- neither was I. There were plenty of messages about weight and weight loss needs in my childhood home, and food was pushed for the sake of avoiding wrapping up leftovers. Stating that I was full was generally followed by encouragement for dessert, although in the next breath the command to "hold your stomach in" was frequently stated. I never really understood how one is supposed to hold their stomach in while still breathing…

A Picasso at MOMA, NYC

My patients, also, are rarely so fortunate. They present feeling hopeless and out of control with their eating. Or, so rigidly controlled by their disorder, fearing that acknowledgment of their body's signals will open the flood gates and cause a non-stop food frenzy. But over time, with guidance, they begin to trust the process, and their bodies. They are shocked that they can keep a 1/2 gallon (actually, they're 1.75 quarts now, unfortunately) of their favorite ice cream around and it will last more than the night! They learn that after the initial leap of faith where they break the rules, and choose foods that satisfy, that they can begin to trust their bodies. But at the start, no one believes it. They all believe they are different, that their bodies don't follow these same laws of nature.

Managing your eating is in part intuitive and involves listening to your body and its signals. But that assumes that the signals are present. If you've been severely restricting, you will require more structure to get this system working. If your hunger is not present, if you struggle with anxiety or depression, or are on meds which may impact appetite, then you too will need more structure to start. 

A Matisse at MOMA, NYC. A print hangs in my main office.

But besides the intuitive part, there are strategies like those mentioned above that help with comfort around eating and weight regulation, regardless of the direction your weight needs to go. 


To summarize:

• Ask for what you need. When dining out, choose restaurants that will accommodate your preferences, without rolling their eyes! Feel free to request sauces on the lighter side or on the side.
• Request a second plate. For those simply overwhelmed by the quantities of food, the second plate allows you to take control of your portions. For those struggling to lose weight (who actually need to), this separation can help you reorient to what a reasonable portion is.
• Give yourself permission to eat again later, if you need to--if it's in your meal plan, or simply if you're hungry--regardless of time of day.
• Work on tasting your food and enjoying it with all your senses. Sometimes with eating disorder recovery, there's a focus on simply getting through the meal. But ultimately, wouldn't it be great to enjoy the food?
• How many years have you been struggling with your eating? Your thoughts and behaviors will not change overnight, even if these guidelines seem so sensible. So be kind to your self and be patient, and appreciate any changes you experience, rather than just focusing on weight changes. Appreciate the change in energy level, strength, weight preoccupation, mood and sense of hope you may now have.

Hoping this post doesn't trigger anyone.  And, that my sons are not reading this and rolling their eyes!

The Halo Effect. Your Thoughts About Healthy Foods Can Make or Break Your Weight Struggle.

Convinced of the health merits of such calorie-dense items as almonds, peanut butter and olive oil? You may feel more relaxed, more permissive about eating them as they’re nutrient rich and heart-healthy. After all, they’re good for you, right? So what’s the harm of eating them freely?

But then there’s the frustrated cry I hear most days, by seemingly educated dieters.

"But I eat so well, so healthily, I don't understand why I'm not able to lose weight”.

Thank you Jenny Wan-Chen Lee, a graduate student at Cornell University and her mentor Dr. Wansink for clarifying what’s going on here, confirming and quantifying what I’ve long experienced with my patients the past 25 years in practice. It’s called the halo effect.

What’s the Halo Effect?

Beautiful people are often attributed other positive features, simply because of their beauty. Their beauty radiates a sort of halo, influencing us to see them as smarter, more competent, and more likely to make a better president, for instance.

I enjoyed every morsel of this lavender flavored chocolate, and no,
it was not organic!

Growing evidence suggests that this halo effect may also apply to foods, ultimately influencing our eating. Research has shown that people tend to eat more calories at fast-food establishments claiming to serve "healthier" foods, versus the amount they’d have at a standard fast-food restaurant. Perceiving a food to be more nutritious, they’re less cautious and tend to overindulge. New research by Lee explored the halo effect around organic food, to see if people’s positive notions of organic items would lead them to perceive them as tastier or lower calorie.

“She tested this question by conducting a double-blind, controlled trial in which she asked 144 subjects at the local mall to compare what they thought were conventionally and organically produced chocolate sandwich cookies, plain yogurt, and potato chips. All of the products, however, were actually of the organic variety -- they were just labeled as being "regular" or "organic." Participants were then asked to rate each food for 10 different attributes (e.g., overall taste, perception of fat content) using a scale from 1 to 9. She also asked them to estimate the number of calories in each food item and how much they would be willing to pay.”

“Confirming Lee's health halo hypothesis, the subjects reported preferring almost all of the taste characteristics of the organically-labeled foods, even though they were actually identical to their conventionally-labeled counterparts. The foods labeled "organic" were also perceived to be significantly lower in calories and evoked a higher price tag. In addition, foods with the "organic" label were perceived as being lower in fat and higher in fiber. Overall, organically-labeled chips and cookies were considered to be more nutritious than their "non-organic" counterparts.”

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/04/110410130831.htm

From my experience, this halo effect can have a positive or a negative impact on eating, depending on your eating issue.

For those struggling with overeating, the halo effect contributes to eating in

excess. Here's how it happens. If you perceive a food as healthy or good for you, and therefore acceptable to eat, you tend to be less mindful of portions of these foods. So consider that cry I hear frequently from new patients presenting for weight management. Assessing their intake makes it crystal clear—they are simply eating too much of a good thing!

And the Atkins and Zone Diets have made the situation worse, as I see it. If you were indoctrinated with the false information that protein at any cost is the answer and that carbohydrate is the culprit for your weight problems, it’s not so easy to let it go.

 And so excessive portions of protein rich foods are eaten, leading to excessive calories and therefore worsening weight struggles.

It may look attractive in the display, but... 

Trainers at the gym, are also frequently at fault, for propagating nutrition bubbe meises, or old wive’s tales. “Eat more protein to lose weight”, they convince their clients, who return to my office frustrated by their escalating weight (not, I might add, the result of increasing muscle mass).

When I started practice in the 1980s, I remember patients proudly sharing their progress. They'd declare that they had moved from Oreos to Snackwell's fat free cookies, consuming 6 or 8 at a time because they were fat free. But they missed the part that they were not calorie free. These patients were sold on the merits of Snackwells having no fat, which in that era was considered a good thing.

This very same halo effect has its benefits for those dealing with

restrictive eating disorders. It is often easier to include foods seen as healthy, even if only because of their organic label. Yes, for some people, certified organic chocolate feels safer as a means to increase calories than many other items might be. Similarly, a food attribute such as fiber content often allows people to select that food even if it is higher in calories. It's an effect I encourage taking advantage of, as it allows clients to become more comfortable with a wider range of foods.

What does this halo effect mean for you?

If you struggle with restrictive eating, you may find it easier to incorporate foods with some perceived health benefit, something you can justify as good for you. This often makes change easier. This will also lead to greater variety with less deprivation. It can then lead to transference of trust—allowing you to change items, to swap them—recognizing they are equivalent in nutritional value for weight and energy balance. Ultimately, you’ll be more likely to manage your nutritional needs, expanding your food selection and increasing your intake.

For those who believe that simply eating healthy foods without regard to physical need shouldn't result in weight gain, think again. Excessive calories relative to need is what impacts weight. Organic, high fiber, whole grain, omega 3-containing foods may all have their merits. But weight management comes down to calories in versus calories out.

The Graduation Diet.

A Triggering Tale of Graduation Day Goals

Talk about triggering. Last week, Sarah described a conversation she was subjected to at a dinner gathering. Prompted by Amy, pulling her food-filled Tupperware container from her leather bag, the discussion centered around Amy's latest venture. She was determined to lose 15 pounds by her son's college graduation.

Why the fuss, you might ask?  What's wrong with this goal?

So many aspects of this dialogue struck me that I want to share. Let’s start with the goal setting.

If you do the math, with six weeks left until her senior's graduation ceremony, an average weekly weight loss of 2 1/2 pounds is necessary to achieve Amy’s goal. Here’s a quick reminder, for those who've forgotten: it takes about 3,500 calories per week to lose one pound per week. That is, if she were maintaining her weight previously, versus gaining. (For the record, for those of you struggling to eat enough and concerned about taking risks and eating a bit more, it may help to remember that it takes this same amount to gain a single pound. So those cookies, even too much of them, will not by themselves, result in your gaining weight!)

Oops! that's really 8750! Feel free to do
the math! Too lazy to re-photograph!

Back to Amy’s example. If she had been gaining weight, she would need 3,500 fewer calories per week AND a further reduction in calories to account for the climbing weight that was occurring previously. For each of the next 6 weeks, then, Amy would need to create a caloric deficit of 8,750 (3,500 x 2.5 pounds). Divide that by seven days, and you get 1,250 calories daily, which equals the number of calories Amy would need to lose to reach her stated goal. So unless Amy were entering Basic Training or was ending binge eating, that level of deficit simply isn't realistic.

In fact, if she were a binge eater, the last thing I would ever suggest is setting a dramatic calorie-restrictive goal. Think deprivation and the consequences that follow—preoccupation with food, eating and weight, irritability, and fatigue, to name a few. The rebound overeating that results more than overcompensates for the dramatic reduction in calories.

Magical thinking?

What does Amy really hope to achieve by losing 15 pounds by graduation? Will it make her feel better about herself when her son reaches the stage to collect his diploma? Will it cause her social anxiety to disappear? Will it put the focus on her versus her son during this pride-filled day? Will it improve her health? Her mood? Her outlook? Or her sense of self worth? Is it all so that she can enjoy a piece of graduation cake guilt free?

No, it will likely make her irritable and less social. It will focus a greater percentage of her thoughts not on her son and his accomplishments, but on her self--her size, what her lunch is going to look like, how much time before she can get to eat again, and what his roommates’ parents will be thinking when they see her eat.

And how will Amy’s weight loss strategy likely work for her long term? Is her approach—bringing her own food wherever she goes—going to help her manage her weight in the future? Will it teach her how to function in challenging eating situations? Or will it establish foods as good and bad, acceptable for weight loss versus unacceptable?  

In life, she’s going to need to learn to be flexible. She’ll have to figure out how to stop eating when she’s had enough to eat.  And to sit with the discomfort of being full, having eaten more that necessary at times. For long term, cake will need to happen more than once every graduation, with permission, and with enjoyment. 

While I can respect her determination, I would caution Amy, and those of you thinking like Amy, to rethink your goals and your approach to meeting them. The short-term gain (well, loss actually, in pounds) of losing weight, will backfire, leaving you feeling worse. Dramatic changes in eating and activity are rarely sustainable. And they never occur without a cost. The “cost benefit” of your severe dieting will be slanted in favor of too high a cost for the benefit you get; even the pounds lost may not be enough to endure the dramatic change from restrictive eating and the resulting deprivation.

 For those who know that I too have a son graduating from college this year, I can assure you this tale is not autobiographic! No, I am already reserving the restaurant and planning for another fun, and food-filled 48 hours (http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/2010/11/forty-eight-food-filled-hours-and-yes.html). And, I might add, I’ve been enjoying my delectable birthday cake over the past week. No sense waiting for graduation!