Coming Clean: My Biases and What They Mean for You

I’m no different than the rest of you. I too, have my biases—my prejudices, my leanings, my preconceived ideas about what makes sense. They influence my actions, my reading of scientific studies, and they impact my professional recommendations.

I make no apologies; my biases effect what I tell you as patients and as blog readers. Like conference speakers obliged to disclose who profits from their research or their words, I’m giving my full disclosure. Here are some insights about why I lean as I do:

1) I’m biased against the weight loss literature's conclusions. In spite of the dismal research that only a small percentage of overweight dieters maintain their weight loss, I’m biased against these results. Weight loss, and maintenance is notan unreasonable goal—for somepeople, that is. Yes, I realize that the weight suppression data may suggest otherwise, as mentioned in my previous post.

Yet I’m skeptical about how study participants lost the reported weight and that impact on weight regain. And I’m cautious about who should have been losing in the first place. If someone had been binge eating and normalized their eating, why wouldn’t they lose weight and keep it off—as long as they remained free of binge eating? If you were disconnected from your physical cues, from your hunger and your fullness, but then turned that around, why couldn’t you maintain the lost weight? That is, if your higher weight was not your healthy normal that you had always been. Which gets me to the next point.

Many patients have appropriately lost and maintained significant weight loss. They were not on diet plans—not calorie counting, no categorical exclusions such as “no white flour” or “no carbs”. Rather, they have slowly modified their actions, and their thoughts. And ultimately, their weight adjusted. Read about my patients such as Erin and Maggie.

I fit into the category above. I have lost about 35 pounds since graduating from college—35 pounds that were not a part of my usual size. My weight had always been in the normal range—I had never experienced weight issues until college, when my yo-yoing began. Dieting, binging, denial of my needs failed to bring my weight back to normal. But changing all that did. I do not work to maintain my weight at this point, but I continually embrace honoring what I feel like eating, and responding to when I need to eat.

2) I believe that you know best about yourself—until your disordered thoughts, your restrictive rules, your lack of trust in yourself take over. Yet I believe that deep down you really know just how much you need to eat—just like when you were a young child before all this craziness began. It’s just so damn scary!

3) I’m biased against light products and diet packaged meals. No, they are not simply better than not eating (shout out to Thursday's patient—thanks for inspiring this!) Why? Because they mislead you! Tricky Weight Watcher’s meals and Lean Cuisines? Sneaky Arnold rounds? Indeed. 

First, they may look like they’re supposed to be enough. The light bread (that has half the calories than the regular bread) looks like a full sandwich. But then when you’re hungry from eating what amounts to only half a sandwich, whom do you blame? You only fault yourself, believing that it should’ve been enough, that you’re the one with the problem. Not so, my friends!

As for the frozen meals, I must say that in all my (50) years I’ve never eaten a diet frozen dinner, so my bias does not come from my experience having them. They just look like not enough to me—or for anyone. Admittedly, you can add a glass of milk, and a fruit or a dessert and it may be just fine. But somehow I don’t suspect that’s what you intend to do.

4) I’m biased against omitting what we enjoy eating. I believe that sweets and all things that taste good have a place in our diet. Maybe it’s because I personally eat things I like, including baked goods and good chocolate quite frequently. Excessively? Mindlessly? Not usually. Not when I’m driving or watching TV. Ok, sometimes the popcorn comes down to the family room (notice how passive that statement was?) while I’m watching TV—there, I’ve said it. Maybe it’s because I see the consequence of banning them, of making them forbidden, that I fight for making them available.

5) Yes, I’m biased against eating disorders.  Eating disorders lie. Which is not to say you are a liar. Have you lost me yet? They distort what you perceive you’ve eaten—yes, you overestimate your calories if you are under eating, and you may minimize or exaggerate them if you overate—it can go either way. 

Eating disorders mislead you into thinking that a yogurt is a meal, or that a black coffee, or even a latte is an appropriate means to respond to your hunger. They don’t volunteer information—I have to ask, and beg and probe to get a full and honest response.

6) It’s not your fault—again, that’s my bias. I don’t believe you want to be struggling with binge eating, or purging, compulsive exercise or laxative abuse or restrictive eating. And I’m convinced that I, that we can’t simply wait around until you’re simply ready.

7) I’m suspect when I only hear that everything is always great. And I’m cynical when I hear that everything is always terrible. Your bias, I suspect, is a lack of honesty with yourself.

8) I’m partial to the value of the relationship. I’ve not reviewed the literature on this, but my bias is that you’re more likely to work to change—at least initially—for your soon-to-be-born child or for your young children. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a positive relationship with a healthcare provider, you’ll work for them too.

9) Oh, and regardless of what they tell you, I believe it’s never too late to change. And this bias is based on the many clients I’ve seen, at all ages, at all stages of their disordered relationship with food. Yes, you too can recover from an eating disorder. And you can change your relationship with food. Even now.

So call me biased.

I’ve Gained Weight. Now What Am I Gonna Do?

Perspectives for those with bulimia, anorexia and those with no eating disorders at all.

"How much weight have I gained since we started working together?", “I want to know." That was the pressing question.

Ellie has been seeing me for several years, for periods at a time. She presented with severe bulimia, purging 3 times per day, every day, after each of the three times per day she allowed herself to eat. Back then, eating and keeping food in was simply not an option. Over time, her purge frequency decreased and she normalized her food intake, ultimately giving up her bulimia. 

Beyond her initial and modest weight increase, her weight has remained stable within a 2-3 pound range over the past many years. And that initial increase can be attributed to two things—no longer living in a dehydrated state and better nourishment.

To me, the better question for Ellie to ask would have been " how much better off am I since I’ve changed my eating?" In spite of the modest weight increase that she had no interest in, what did Ellie get in return?

When confronted with this question, she appropriately retreats from her disordered thoughts which periodically reemerge and readily acknowledges just how far she has come, how much better she feels. She remembers that there's no way she could've taken care of her newborn grandchildren in the state she was in then, or be trusted driving back and forth to their home. No, the price she paid, the few pounds gained, is nothing given what she's getting in return.

Gaining weight is rarely seen as a positive in our culture. Advertisements fail to praise us for outgrowing our jeans.

But for some, that is exactly what needs to happen. Staying at the weight you were at when you were 12  is hardly appropriate when you are 16, 20, or 40 years old. And even if your weight is objectively 'within the normal range' for the population, it may not be in range for you. It drives me crazy when doctors tell their patients that their weight—a  weight that has never been maintainable without an eating disorder because it's too low—is fine, because they are basing it on the charts for populations. Why the double standard? Because if you've always been a healthy larger size and you've lost weight through unhealthy measures, that 'normal range weight' may be anything but normal. Perhaps given your build, your genetics, your muscle mass, your history of athleticism, your body needs to be at a higher-than-average weight. And fighting it to be at a place you've never been will only contribute to unhealthy ways of eating and thinking. For your mental and physical well-being, weight gain may be just what's needed.

Gaining weight without an eating disorder?

Not long ago—a couple of months, maybe—I noticed that snugness around the middle. No, my jeans hadn't just been dried at high heat for too long. And really it was not in my head. Everything was fitting a bit too tightly. (Yes, even the bras.) Not one to weigh myself with any regularity, I suddenly jumped on the scale. I felt the need to reality check, to verify what I was feeling.

Yup. My weight was up.

Save your rush to judgement, please--it has nothing to do with the cupcakes, the chocolates and my homemade, full fat lavendar ice cream. Ok, let me clarify. No "I told you so's" necessary, because I ate all those foods before. But over the months of summer, the balance wasn't perfect, and so my weight crept up. 

Could it be that I was super active through the end of June, training for my fundraising ride, only to reduce my activity precipitously with the heat wave and awful humidity? Perhaps. Could it be that I've been socializing more, sipping on wine with dinner more nights than previously. Perhaps.  Could I have possibly joined my husband for an after dinner snack—just because it looked good and I thought I'd keep him company—more often than I really needed from a nourishment standpoint? Likely. Like you, I'm not perfect.

But the bigger question is what to do about it. If you were me, would you:

1. exercise a couple of hours each day to make up for the previous reduction in activity?
2. reduce your food intake to compensate for the extra calories consumed?
3. seek the guidance of a Registered Dietitian?

Ok. So I'm the RD so  I'd better come up with a fix.

But if you don't fall into the categories described above--those truly needing to gain weight, or those who've gained appropriately as a result of releasing yourself from disordered behaviors--and you find you've gained some unnecessary weight, here's what I'd suggest. Intuitively, it may seem appropriate to make up for any overeating in the days or weeks which follow. But don't do it! Instead, refocus. Get back to the basics, particularly if you've found yourself slipping into old patterns. Have you forgotten the basics? For starters,

Sit. No eating as you walk around the kitchen emptying the dishwasher. No eating standing at the fridge. And no, don't sit at the fridge; seat yourself at a kitchen or dining room table.

Separate. Eating and distractions,  (other than your family which you can't get rid of) should be separate activities. TV watching, texting, reading--these should be separate from eating. (Unless, I'll add, you are struggling to get food in and find that being less mindful is actually helpful--which it often is!)

Eat with your senses. Are you seeing your food and acknowledging what you're eating? Are you experiencing the textures of what you're eating? Are you tasting your food? Doing so will allow you to slow the pace and to feel more satisfied with what you're eating. You'll enjoy the food so much more!

Choose what you enjoy. Are you giving yourself permission to eat what you like, or holding on to rules about what's allowed vs forbidden, in your mind?

Tune in to  your hunger. Don't wait  until you are at the extremes of hunger--if you're starving you are more likely to struggle to eat as described above, and overeat.

Re-explore fullness. Are you eating until you are stuffed? Might a modest adjustment in portions be appropriate? That said, if you start with smaller portions, do give yourself permission to eat again later--after about an hour--regardless of what you you ate before.

Don't panic! And don't take radical steps to 'fix' the problem. Restrictive eating, denying your body's signals and needs, does nothing positive in the long run. It will only perpetuate an unhealthy cycle and make you feel like c!*P!

Breathe. It won't take long to get yourself back on track. But be realistic--if your eating was off course for some time it will certainly take some time for you to be back to your former, healthy self. Radical dietary changes can have radically negative consequences, so do be patient and appreciate the modest improvements as they happen.

Measuring Progress with Gingerbread & Other Tales of Eating Disorder Recovery

But only if you do your part!

It was the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, and it was a dark and rainy day here in the Boston area. And I was home sick with a bad head cold. It was enough to put me in a rather gloomy mood, if it weren’t for some bright spots from this past week that lightened my mood. Perhaps they’ll brighten yours, too.

Hannah had not had the easiest time these past several months. Besides her eating disorder, which ranges from anorexia to binge eating, she’s been struggling with depression. Yet after many months of working with her team her progress shined through.  No, I’m not talking about measuring her progress in pounds—her weight fails to reflect the recent progress that’s just starting to emerge. 

Ahh, the feeling of eating and trusting it's going to
be okay...

Rather, I heard her describe for one of the first times, her interest in food—in its taste, and in its texture. I heard her say that she realized that she actually didn’t like some of the things she had been eating, and I heard her talk about her food passions and preferences. Yes, Hannah is finally allowing herself to taste what she’s eating, and to select foods she enjoys the taste of. This is progress!

Then there was Sammie, who bought my book last week—Food to Eat, co-authored with Cate Sangster— and at her follow up visit on Tues. this 20-something-year-old came in all excited. She had prepared about 7 of the recipes, from Cate’s Muesli Bircher to the gingerbread. But more than that, she actually ate them all! (Not all at once, I’ll add!) And she reported loving each and every one of them.

Rye Pixels Copyright. 

She told me about her love of baking—something I knew nothing about—but confessed that she had not previously ever eaten the baked items she labored to prepare. No, not since she’s struggled with her eating disorder. But this week was different. And having broken the ice and done so once, she’s increased her confidence that she could do so again. She trusted, she told me; she felt like she knew what we were saying was true and that it was okay. And it worked.

Are you ready to challenge yourself and break with your routine? Bring a little light into these dark days by challenging yourself and trying something different. I’m attaching the gingerbread recipe—I baked it Friday with the lemon icing and it was divine! But with or without the glaze, you can’t go wrong.

It’s not too late to start to change. All it takes is the first step.

Let me know what you think.

From the recovery cookbook Food to Eat, one of 25 sensible and tasty recipes.