The Wedding Diet. Guaranteed to Change Your Weight.

Hard to tell, but it really was pink!

I lost a bit of weight then, but it was unintentional. It’s hard to recall the details—it was 25 years ago—but I certainly recall my pre-wedding jitters, my perseveration over details of this NY Wedding’s menus and seating and flowers, and the stress of commuting to work 3 hours daily. And then there was the wedding gown hype (Imagine Say Yes To the Dress; I bought it at the same Kleinfeld’s of TV fame).

But as PJ points out in her guest post below I was not typical—I did not try to lose weight before the big day. And who buys a pink wedding gown, like I did, anyway?


Who Is PJ Anyway?

First and foremost, she’s a bright, sweet, thoughtful, determined Follower of this blog, who I adore. She’s an Aussie, a mother of three young children and an adult new to acknowledging and tackling her own long-standing eating disorder. And she’s approaching her recovery with gusto, true to her nature. She’s using her resources 100%, while painfully honest about her struggles and her slips.

Welcome PJ, who miraculously knew I’d be in a bind this week, unable to write a timely post.

Read her fabulous blog, Recovery, PJ Style, for more honest writing, incredible wisdom, and support.

The Truth about the Wedding Diet

Ever planned to lose weight for a big event? How did you get on? And, probably more importantly, what happened after? Well, let’s start by seeing what Lori has to say on the topic. In her post the Graduation Diet, Lori describes a woman named Amy determined to lose 15 pounds in the 6 weeks leading up to her son’s graduation. But despite Lori’s warning/prediction:

“Dramatic changes in eating and activity are rarely sustainable. And they never occur without a cost”

We never did find out how Amy fared. What do you think?

At the recent conference for the Australian and New Zealand Academy for Eating Disorders, a researcher named Ivanka Pritchard from Flinders University, gave us the answer. Pritchard recruited 343 brides-to-be from a bridal expo and asked them a series of questions; including whether or not they planned to lose weight before the wedding and whether or not they had been told to lose weight (this pressure came from a variety of sources such as family, friends and even the wedding dress saleswoman!). Pritchard reported that over 50% of brides-to-be wanted to lose weight before the wedding (approx 8kg) and around 13% had been told to lose weight.

Pritchard also collected data on starting weights and then followed up at 1-month pre-wedding and 6-months post-wedding.

Of the first group (those that wanted to lose weight), what do you think the average weight loss was? Nothing. That’s right, at 1-month pre-wedding there had been no change in the weight of this group. However at the 6-month post-wedding follow-up there most certainly had been a change. This group had gained an average of about 2kg. Pritchard called this the ‘oh-thank-god-that’s-over-now-I-can-eat-what-ever-I-want’ effect.

The second group (those that were told to lose weight) did show some slight weight loss pre-wedding but gained significantly more post-wedding than the first group.

Pritchard concluded her presentation by highlighting the need for awareness campaigns to reduce the pressure on these woman to fit some societal ideal for the perfect bride – especially in the face of the competition they are up against: both Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers, as well as a selection of health clubs all had stalls at this expo.

So there’s your answer. And although in the scientific world we don’t call it proof, merely evidence, you’d have to agree it’s pretty compelling evidence to say the least.

The Wedding Diet will NOT result in weight loss. But it will result in weight GAIN. Darn. Oh well, at least we still have Drop it and Eat.

Beyond Calories. Learning To Embrace Food For Pleasure

From my seat in the kitchen I could only see his butt. But I could hear the probing of his snout, which piqued my curiosity. Then his head emerged, his eyes beaming at mine. After catching my glance he guided me with the movement of his head, pointing toward the 25-pound bag of kibble.

Waiting patiently for his favorite biscuits.

What could he want, I wondered. He has food in his bowl. He repeated this gesture talking to me without my comprehending. But then my husband got it (he speaks dog better than I do). He wants the fresh, new dog food, he realized. The  stuff in the bowl was from the end of the last large bag and it’s just not what he wants.

So my husband opened the new bag, a new variety in fact, replacing the previous batch. And he chowed down (my dog, I mean, not my husband).

Yes, even my dog Mica has absorbed the lessons living in this household. Maybe the quality of the older food was sub-par, or perhaps it was the allure of something new. But for some reason, he was triggered to sniff out something more desirable, and make his needs known to us.

Milanos, one of my favorite cookies.
But I prefer the mint variety to the orange!

There’s meeting your needs for fuel, the most basic in the hierarchy of eating needs. But then there’s eating to satisfy on other levels— to have what you really desire, to enjoy the flavor and textures of great tasting food, to avoid limiting food choices to shoulds.

Admittedly, it is challenging at first. 

It requires:

• Taking a leap of faith, a bit of risk taking. Ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that can really happen?” When you realize that the risk is quite miniscule, you’ll likely find it’s easier.
• Taking baby steps. Maybe a single component of the meal (or of your day) may change at first. It may be varying the portion of your dinner entrée or finally ordering a favorite sauce—perhaps on the side, to begin with.
• It may mean choosing to step out only with people who know and understand your struggle, who you know will be supportive.
• It involves asking for things the way you want them, when eating out. Trust me, you are not the first to assert yourself when dining out! And with the exception of buffets, the food isn’t prepared until you order. So no great hassle to accommodate you.
• It requires feeling entitled, deserving of the pleasure of eating. This allows you to find your voice to vocalize what you’d like and how you want it.

When my mother comes to visit from out of state we often dine out for a dinner. Time after time, this is how it goes:

Me: “So what do you feel like eating tonight?”

Mom: “Oh, anything. I don’t care. Whatever you guys feel like. I’ll do anything”

Me: “Really? Anything? You’d be equally happy with Thai food as with Indian? Seafood or salad would satisfy as well as steak and fries? Gooey cheesy Mexican will work for you as easily as sushi and miso soup?”

No, it’s not easy being my mom. I long to hear a passion for food, an interest in truly enjoying a meal, not simply a need to ingest food and limit her calories until she’s full. Like you, I need to be patient.

You'll rest better once you start enjoying what you eat.

At this point, perhaps you’ve progressed to listening to your hunger and honoring it, to noting your fullness, and trusting there will always be a chance to eat again—when you should need to. Now consider this next level, beyond simply meeting your needs for fuel. Challenge yourself to step out of your safe place, slowly moving to truly enjoy what you eat. And release yourself of the guilt of not following rigid diet rules, set either by others or by your irrational self.

Because life is too short to diet.

My Eulogy

Don’t be thrown by the title—there’s no need for concern. I’m not at any risk (that is if you exclude the Swiss Alps hike to the Hornli Hut at the base of the Matterhorn that I’ll be leaving for shortly). And let me confess—I’m afraid of heights and precipitous drops. 

Curious? Check out this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcoU0dlep6s from ~2mins.

But really. I’ve often thought about what I’d want my eulogy to read, when my time has come. I see it as a kind of blueprint, a how I want to live my life and be remembered. What will my legacy be? What messages will I have conveyed to the people I care about? And yes, that includes you, readers.

I can’t help but think of this as I’m sitting with patients who are struggling with their eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food. I think, Is this the focus that you want to define you?

Accomplished?

Beth was an accomplished dieter. She was proud of her ability to keep her weight to XYZ pounds. (I’m trying not to make this triggering). It made her feel she was successful, limiting her foods to six safe items, and controlling her appetite for temptation. It was what she felt she did best.

Beth leaves 3 daughters whom she has endowed with a love of dieting. They are preoccupied with their appearance and are following in the footsteps of their mother. Excessive exercise consumes them, as does a keen determination to choose good and healthy foods. Their eating issues may have had their start in genetics, but their beliefs about foods and their effect on their body, and their behaviors around eating and exercise have, in part, been learned.

Beth could be any one of my many patients wrestling with their eating, before they’ve turned the corner and took control of their disordered eating. They’ve lost perspective about what’s important in life. They’ve forgotten who they really are—their interests, their passions, their dreams. They’re stuck, limited in part by fear—What else am I capable of succeeding with? How else will I be able to manage without my best friend, Food or ED? What would my day and life be like if I had to really live and experience disappointment and pain, as well as pleasure?

Life’s too short to be stuck in this place. If you’re like Beth, it’s not too late to turn your situation around. “Where do I start?” you’re thinking?

Isn't this WOW? Posters can be ordered from their site
http://shop.holstee.com/pages/about

Get your supports lined up to allow you to better nourish yourself. This includes a team of experienced providers—a physician, therapist and Registered Dietitian, as well as friends and/or family members. Keeping your struggle a secret helps you maintain the status quo.

Consider the consequences on those that you love, on those that model your behavior. Yes, I’m thinking about your children, and the children you might plan to have. It’s never too early to shift your thinking and your behaviors.

Ask yourself “Is this really how I want to be remembered?”

Be fair to yourself. Change takes time. How long did it take to develop your current eating issues? You can’t expect it will change overnight. Patience and compassion, my friends!

View from the top of the Matterhorn where I won't be going. I do know my limits!

As for me, I’m planning to push past my anxiety about heights and attempt to reach the Hut. Because I know that the vistas will be stunning and awe inspiring. And because each time I have pushed myself through such challenges in the past, I’ve emerged with an amazing sense of accomplishment and incredible pride. And perhaps, I put this out here to you to be certain I follow through with my plan.